The first step is admitting you have a problem

As I was sitting in class tonight I had a realization. I don't have to be here if I don't want to be. This is my life. And as I am always preaching, the only person I have to make happy is myself--and I am NOT happy with graduate school right now, I actually never have been. Finally, I acknowledged my feelings and am just beginning to deal with them. As is always said, "The first step is acceptance (or admitting you have a problem)." So here it is... I have a problem. My problem is that I am unhappy in graduate school.

I am in graduate school at Marquette University studying Mass Communication. In undergrad (at the University of Kentucky) I loved Mass Communication and my courses, and most of my professors, and my research. But at Marquette I despise my courses, most of my professors, and my research. I have no mentor, no direction, and feel as if I am not getting anything out of my time at Marquette. I took a required class last semester (my first semester here) entitled "Communication Theory," this is a basic course that ALL communication students have to take (I took a course of the same title as an undergrad at UK). The course was taught by a professor, also in her first semester at Marquette, who did not want to be teaching it and disagreed (apparently) with some of its requirements. As it turned out the course did not address Communication Theory at all. I was very disappointed and wrote a long evaluation of the course and the professor addressing my concerns. I left the class feeling as if the rest of my graduate degree had been compromised because of the lack of focus. This semester I am taking another required course (Research Methods), which I also took in undergrad. This course is actually on research, but not on Communication research, instead it is on whatever the professor decides to talk about (which is always himself and his past research). The two words he uses the most in class are "I" and "me." We are graduate students and are clearly interested in the material if we have chosen to continue our studies--so I wish the professors would respect us as students of Communication and allow us to learn and give us the tools to get the most out of our time at Marquette (as well as our Masters degrees).

I am irate right now. And am strongly considering dropping out of Marquette; but as I am a Teaching Assistant and am under a year contract I don't know if I will have to stay in my courses until the end of the semester.

I also don't know what I will do once I drop out--I don't feel as if I am qualified for anything. I am excited and scared and nervous. I want to move--I don't want to live in Milwaukee. I actually don't know where I want to live. I just know that I like to travel and write. I know that I need to make money, as I am pretty broke (graduate students/TAs don't make much money). But as of right now the emotions and feelings of confusion and loss are taking over and I am left sitting alone feeling as if no one completely understands my situation.

I do not know what to do or where to go from here, but I owe it to myself to attempt to live the life I want and to follow my dreams.